make time to read this, even in parts if necessary.

read this, print this, send this to someone... live this. enjoy.

may you be blessed with peace and prosperity.



a list to live by...



· From this instant on, vow to stop disappointing yourself. Most people don't realize that both help and harm come from within ourselves. Have faith in yourself and the divine gifts instilled within you. Faithfulness is the antidote to bitterness and confusion. We are always learning, always growing. It is right to accept challenges, this is how we progress to the next level of intllectual, physical, or moral development. Challenge yourself to live the happy and peaceful life we were all blessed with. How long can you afford to put off who you really want to be? Your nobler self cannot wait any longer.

· Connect with what truly is of your concern. In knowing and attending to what actually concerns you, you cannot be made to do anything against your will; others can't hurt you, you don't incur enemies or suffer harm. If it concerns anything outside your control, train yourself not to worry about it. If you desire something that isn't within you own control, disappoinment will surely follow; meanwhile, you will be neglecting the very things that are within your control that are worthy of desire.

· When somehting happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it; you can either accept it or resent it. Things and people are not what we wish them to be nor what they seem to be. They are what they are. When we name things correctly, we comprehend them correctly, without adding information or judgements that aren't there. Name the situation as it is; don't filter it through your judgements. Don't tailor the components of the outcome to your excuse. Small-minded people habitually reproach others for their own misfortunes. Average people reproach themselves; the impulse to blame something or someone is foolishness. Don't demand or expect that events happen as you would wish them to. Cease trying to anticipate or control events. Accept events as they actually happen with grace and intelligence. That way peace is possible.

· Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source. Create your own merit. Do you have specialized knowledge? Put it to it's full and good use. Do you have a good idea? Follow up and follow through on it. Make the most of what you've got, what is actually yours. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths. Dig deeply, you posses strengths you might not know you have. Find the right one and use it to better your situation. Don't be afraid of verbal abuse or criticism. Only the morally weak feel compelled to defend or explain themselves to others. Reinforce the triumph of your character and you will be strengthened.

. The surest sign of the higher life is serenity. Say to yourself, "Coping calmly with this inconvienience is the price I pay for my inner serenity, for freedom from perturbation and angst". If it is freedom you seek, then wish nothing and shun nothing that depends on others, or you will always be a helpless slave of influence. By accepting life's limits and inevitabilites and working with them rather than fighting them, we become free. Approach life as a banquet. If a dish should pass you by, enjoy what is already on your plate. There is no need to yearn, envy, and grab. You will get your rightfull portion when it is you time.

· Wherever you find yourself, and in whatever circumstances, compose yourself and give an impeccable performance. Your happiness depends on three things, all of which are within your power: your will, your ideas, and your actions. Your happiness can only be found within. People don't truly have the power to hurt you. If someone hurts or irritates you it is only your response and reaction that is hurtfull or irritating. The truth is that people who subordinate reason to their feelings of the moment are actually slaves of their desires and aversions. Don't consent to be hurt and you won't be hurt- it sounds simple and it is, this is a choice over which you have full control.

· Seeking to please is a perilous trap, character matters more than acceptance and reputation. If I get rich and powerful while preserving my own honor, faithfulness to family, friends, principles, and self respect, show me how and I'll do it. But if I have to sacrifice my personal integrity, it's stupid and silly to urge me on. For it is unreasonable to think we can earn rewards without being willing to pay their true price.

· Evil does not naturally dwell in the world, in events or in people. Evil is a by-product of forgetfulness, laziness, or distraction: it arises when we lose sight of our true aim in life. Evil also arises where there is a lack of self-discipline. Undisciplined people are forever on the lookout for signs that build up or reinforce their unexamined, and often ignorant views and opinions.

· Cultivate the habit of surveying and testing a prospective action before undertaking it. In the case of pleasure and satisfaction ask yourself "will this pleasure bring but a momentary delight, or real, lasting satisfaction?" Once you have deliberated and determined that a specific course of action is wise, whatever the situation, never discredit your judgement. Take a stand against your self-doubt- it's a wasted emotion anyway. Think things through and fully commit! Unless we fully give ourselves over to our endeavors, we are hollow, superfical people and we never develop our natural gifts. Those who mimic whatever seems novel, flashy, or edgy are only making the statement that they are shallow and will never truly be satisfied. A half-hearted spirit has no power.

· Be carefull of the company you keep. The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. In turn make it your business to draw out the best in others by being an exemplar yourself. Follow through on your generous impulses. Do not question them, or supress them and do not hesitate! As long as you let your reason lead the way, you will be safe. It is our duty to stand by our friends in their hour of need

· Clearly define the person you want to be. It's time to stop being vague. You should explicitly identify the kind of person you aspire to become. Ultimatley you can only be one person- either a good person, or a bad person. The choice is yours, and yours alone. Keep in mind that frivolous talk is hurtfull talk and breezy self-disclosure disrespects yourself. If we babble about every idea that occurs to us- big and small -we can easily fritter away in the trivial currents of mindless talk and our ideas are eroded. If need be, be mostly silent or speak sparingly. The real test of personal excellence lies in the attention we give to the often neglected small details of our conduct. Show your character and your commitment to personal nobility through your actions.

Once you have determined the spiritual principals you wish to exemplify, abide by these rules as if they were laws, as if it were indeed sinful to compromise them.

angrywifey declares: you have to respect the power..

In life there is always a balance.

Always a choice to be made. Usually an influence, occasionally a mis-step. Most always consequences.

One link between it all: power.

You have it, and you have to respect it.

What I'm referring to is the power that balance has in your life, the power of the choices you make, the power someone or something may hold over you to influence your decisions, and ultimately, the power the consequence has over your thought process and your ability to grow.

There are simple things that empower people to ridiculous heights. There are ridiculous things that have the power of influence over people to reduce them down to being so simple minded.. the dichotomy is strong with this one lol.

Take the internet for example, it allows for amazing things to happen and is now available in almost all aspects of daily life. Its revered and praised and all the while most people have little respect for its power to totally destroy lives, when given free reign. Now I know the internet doesn't destroy lives per say but it is a dastardly tool and in the hands of someone with ill intentions, or even a lack of respect for what is at their fingertips, can take on a life of its own.. a life that takes on a life of its own.. and then that life takes on a life of its own, and so on. You can never get to the real truth and you can rarely find your way out in one piece.

The false sense of power created by the opportunity to be anyone is deafening. Keeping with the internet as our example, think back on how people joke about profile pictures not looking anything like the real thing on a first date. (I'm even guilty of, at one point, owning a shirt that said "You look better on MySpace" lol) Rarely, before the world wide web, did you have to worry so much about someone not being who they claim to be. I mean sure, people have always lied and cheated and deceived to get by, but never so easily, frequently and without reprimand were they able to have two simultaneously functioning personae. It creates the ability (the power) to feel untouchable and accomplished- even if it is only in deception. The afterthought of consequence is only illuminated in the event of accusation. *yeah i came up with that one myself =] hahaha

Consequence is a powerful force to someone face to face with it, because they allowed it to be. It takes someone with my favorite attribute, self awareness, to see that reality. And only then, if those stars align, will the person be even close enough to the notion of acceptance. And only then will the person have the potential to be open to the power of change. And finally, hopefully the power of balance will prevail. And life will go on.

angrywifey declares: its deja vu, all over again

here we go, here we go.... again with the ups and downs.

here we go, on your not so merry... on your not so merry-go-round.

Those are lines from a song I wrote that just resonate and ring true on so many levels. Have you ever felt like you are on a carnival ride that you just cant get off of? Stuck in traffic, going no where and you just cant get to the exit? Welcome. Welcome to my life.

I wanted to blog about half assedness but realized thats what my last blog was about. I want to just rant and rave like a crazy person (that would make people think to themself "gawd psycho, get over it already!") but I frequently blog against such things. Not sure how to structure this one so, here. Here is me getting immensely irritated @ this half ass broken record. I also refer to it as "the department of redundancy department" in honor of how fucking annoyingly frequent this bullshit is.

I would like to reach out to those who just cant get their point across. To those who try, with loving intention, to reach out and get someone to meet them half way- or even a simple compromise, you are not alone. There are people out there who have a concept of doing their equal part. I know because I am one of them, I speak up, and boy oh boy do I hear about it. Because everyone else around me is so busy being diplomatic, co-dependent, passive, passive-aggressive, lazy, or just all together wrapped up in their own agenda, etc. when I speak my mind, I am perceived to be an abrasive, pompous, crabby bitch. Well the truth hurts fuckers.

I am not the only one who uses the bathroom, I am not the only parent in the house so why, when asking for a hand in cleaning up and/or toddler interaction, why do I get an attitude? Why is it that I can ask for help but not get it until its convenient for someone else. Why if I asked you to "clean the bathroom, please?" do I end up having to do it 2 days later? Am I your mom? No. But again, if I ask more than once Im being naggy. If I step in and just do it myself, Im met with "Jeez I said I was going to do it.... fine, you do it then" WHAT THE FUCK?!!? Yes, you said you were going to do it, but now Im doing it because, as with most things you say you are going to do, it never happened. Its like deja vu, all over again.

When you find yourself in this wicked cycle its so hard to even speak. You're damned if you do and damned if you dont... and all because you know that everyone should look around and see the same mess, the same problems and then work TOGETHER on a solution. Be warned: there is no safe, effective way of getting your point across. When dealing with people who repeatedly meet this issue you will most likely run into problems with delivery of said message, how said message is perceived, the tone of voice, body language, time of day, blood sugar levels, planetary alignment, and so on. There is never going to be a good, sweet way of speaking your mind to honestly say what you mean. There is rarely going to be a truth to be told, that needs to be heard, that isnt harsh or abrasive. My advice is: pick your battles wisely. Only fight the fights you are compelled to fight. The things you cant hold back, dont- but dont say so much that you lose the message. Say what you have to say regardless. Once you have, shut up.

angry wifey declares: enroll now!

The School of Self.

Classes enrolling now. Admission is easy.

Tuition will only cost you what you are willing to give.

"YOU CANT MAKE IT OUT THERE WITHOUT A GOOD EDUCATION FROM HERE"

.........sigh............

Why do people, who you know are smart, act so fucking stupid* sometimes?! I wonder this often. I wonder if other people wonder it too..

*keep in mind when I say stupid Im not talking having a lack of book smarts, Im talking being absolutely lazy minded.

Is there not a clear stigma about half-assedness? Isnt it pretty much a general consensus that half-stepping is a bad thing? I mean I know Im not usually an advocate of popular opinion but in this case I'd say there's safety in numbers. The fact that a good majority of people have been negatively affected (or at the least immensely irritated) by someone who doesnt put forth proper effort is enough to support the idea that being a lazy jackass, procrastinator, half-stepper, or anything along those lines is unbecoming of a fully functioning adult.

Now you've got your prime examples of these types: dead beat dads, over-delegating bosses, people who dont clean up after themselves, people who litter because "they pay someone to clean up this parking lot" (occasionally guilty of that myself), people in work groups or on group projects who let everyone else do the work, people who expect someone else to always pay their way, people who make excuses for EVERYTHING- you know what im getting at..

But what about the not so obvious offenders? the easy riders? the ones who take the slacker job for just that reason. the ones who send out a resume then dont follow up on it and wonder why they cant find a job. the ones who do things like put water in a dirty bowl but never come back to actually wash the bowl and put it away or even load it up in the dishwasher. or do things like take the full trash bag out of the trash can but dont take it outside- or on the flip side of that take one item all the way to the outside trashcan to avoid a bigger task like having to take out the overflowing trash in the kitchen. its sad really, how little this varies from the behavior of a teenager. And we fancy ourselves as grown ups.

Well GROW UP! if any of the above listed things remind you of yourself then its time to go back to school. Its time to learn you and what you are really about. See, I believe that the more you know about yourself, the less likely you are to present yourself at a lesser caliber. Its the whole live up to your full potential theory. Most people I know dont do this as a constant state of being, instead they use it as temporary bridge from one chapter of life to another. Why only do this at particular moments? Why not live to your fullest EVERY moment? When the opportunity presents itself, take it.. be it doing the dishes from last nights dinner or making an uncomfortable phone call that you have been putting off. sometimes not doing these things holds you back more than you could imagine. clutter clutters up the mind. avoided opportunities close doors. dirty dishes in the sink means no clean dishes in the cabinet. putting forth minimal effort will make people less likely to come to you, depend on you, look up to you- for anything. and that may result in people less likely to want to have you around at all. its a simple equation really. not hard to learn. cause and affect- one of the many classes offered at the school of self. spending a semester or two learning who you are and why you do what you do is the fastest way to true success and happiness. Enroll now!

angrywifey declares: some people just dont get it!

Ahh... life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. such an idealistic concept that all these things belong in the same sentence.

what ive found is that when you find love during your pursuit of happiness you run a good chance of looking back and seeing how much life youve wasted. that may make it sound like im bitter, but im not. well ok somewhat, but i am in love with someone who i am happy spending the rest of my life with, so that should slightly negate various sour feelings towards relationships.

the reason i feel the way i do, though, is because PEOPLE DONT CHANGE. its our perception of people that changes. its our view that changes. and yes it may inspire us to make different choices or stick to our guns a bit more but is that really CHANGE? no! its simply an adjustment. the real you- the you that your ex just couldnt deal with any more- is still there! just like the ex you just couldnt deal with anymore is that same person, no matter the signs of new life. just like the new person in your life was at one point someone elses ex, which puts them in the running to be kind of relationship-ly challenged as well. you may say "His ex was such a bitch!" does that mean he was a perfect saint? doubt it. what im getting at is during your pursuit of happiness ignoring signs can send you off down the WRONG road. then you have farther to come than you did before.

the concepts of liberation and enlightenment only have staying power if you actually learn and retain the preceding lesson. if you dont allow yourself to totally digest your experience then it kinda ends up empty. empty like your stomach 30 minutes after eating chinese food. (dont get me wrong i love me some shrimp dumplings and sticky rice). i guess what im getting at is if you are going on a journey (literal or metaphorical) you must pack the proper supplies and sustenance to keep you going, and safe. life lessons are like food for thought and it seems these days the brain of the average 20-30 year old looks like an am/pm. full of junk food. packed with things in shiny wrappers that make you think you are full but give you no real nourishment. next thing you know you wake up empty thinking to yourself "i thought i had this whole thing figured out..."

slow down, take the time to read the ingredients, the potential side affects, the serving size, etc.

OR theres the binge and purgers. the ones who bump their heads enough for all of us to learn from. they gorge themselves with a strange mix of bullshit and valuable life lessons and then throw it all up, then do it all again and so on and so on. these people use logic and reason like salt and pepper.. more a flavor enhancement than a base to a good decision. too much of anything will make you sick in one way or another and they just dont get it. these are usually the same people who are so self absorbed that they get offended when you tell them they are self absorbed- as if?! so when a friend leaves one rocky relationship and gets so blinded that she ends up in another she would probably fall under this category. i know several people like this and it makes me sad. smart, articulate people who, behind closed doors become big huge blobs of just waste. these are the ones who come to you for advice and support then take your advice, chew it up, and spit it out ..and carry on about their business- all the while telling you what they think you want to hear. (or leaving out details that would show you just how full of shit they are) either way its sad. its not my journey that is altered, its yours. i was just trying to share my strikingly similar expiriences with you, kind of as a map or even street light at least. no sweat off my brow, good luck finding your way back to your original route.

to all in and out of relationships. beware. some people just dont get it.

bah humbug

The ghost of Christmas past needs to remind everyone what the holidays are truly about. I'm talkin a swift kick into yester-year. As the day approaches, and consumers everywhere scramble for those last minute gifts, I shake my head in disgust at the pressure this time of year puts on an already emotionally and financially strained public. ITS NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SPEND PEOPLE! Its about giving, and more importantly, gathering together. Is there not enough in your everyday life to stress about? Is there not enough in your everyday life to spend money on? There are some whirlwind Christmases that I spent running from store to store myself, and you know what? in the end I felt like I had just got home from a bad weekend in Vegas. Dizzy, broke, and feeling slightly violated. Something had to give...

At least I can find solace knowing that craft stores and do it yourself outfits have seen more business this Christmas season than any other in the last 10 years. That means that some of you get it- the whole "its the thought that counts" concept. I mean you really get it. You thought enough about the gift to actually gather the supplies required to make it, and more importantly, you followed through. Right on!

As for the rest of you, if you cant give at least be there to gather together. In tough times it's sometimes a gift just to be around familiar smiles. And get familiar hugs. And hear familiar laughs. Those are priceless gifts. Gifts that dont need a special season. I love to give. I also love to receive. Either way, I find Christmas in seeing the people I love. In the simple gifts they give me without even realizing. Not in knowing I out-spent or out-shopped the next chick.

So to this materialistic Christmas season and all who submit to it I say BAH HUMBUG.

angrywifey declares: the problem lies within you

Ahh.. It would be wonderful if one day society woke up and, as a whole, understood the complex workings of the human brain- our on board computer they sent us off with, neglecting to include an instruction manual or even a trouble shooting guide. Centuries have been spent prying into this vast wonderland between our ears and still we've not gotten very far. Its quite ironic really, thinking.. about how we think..

I guess that's what all those shrinks and spooks are for. All those college courses and self help books, seminars and spiritual retreats.. They all, in one way or another, take money and use it to dissect the brain and supposedly help those in need navigate through the twists and turns of life. (You also have your cost free ways of peering into your "self". Long walks, meditation, journals, blogs, support groups, lifetime movies- excuse me as I choke down this vomit.) All in all ,there ARE some successful paths that have been carved out by previous generations. So why do people act certain ways, are able to anticipate and define those actions or reactions, and then look so confused as to how to change for the better? In the wise words of my mom, "I don't know."

Today it seems I have been dealt the hand of dealing directly with people who ask for help and then complain and make excuses when you try to help them. Also with people who have shady and questionable tendencies and are offended that they aren't trusted fully. Oh my gawd. Lets get some SELF AWARENESS folks. Ill say it again: SELF AWARENESS. Its an easy concept, hard in application. If you are aware of your actions or reactions then you can better control them. Simple. The only thing that may be complicated for some is the "self" part. That doesn't leave room for anyone else to keep after you and how you act. It doesn't allow for any emotional babysitters or enablers. And it sure as hell shouldn't mean that someone has to explain to you when and why you are out of line. It means just what it means, YOU are responsible for YOU. Be mature and try to be aware of why people make assumptions about you based on past experiences, or based on a collection of things that came straight from your mouth. The answer lies within you because the problem lies within you.