angrywifey declares: its deja vu, all over again

here we go, here we go.... again with the ups and downs.

here we go, on your not so merry... on your not so merry-go-round.

Those are lines from a song I wrote that just resonate and ring true on so many levels. Have you ever felt like you are on a carnival ride that you just cant get off of? Stuck in traffic, going no where and you just cant get to the exit? Welcome. Welcome to my life.

I wanted to blog about half assedness but realized thats what my last blog was about. I want to just rant and rave like a crazy person (that would make people think to themself "gawd psycho, get over it already!") but I frequently blog against such things. Not sure how to structure this one so, here. Here is me getting immensely irritated @ this half ass broken record. I also refer to it as "the department of redundancy department" in honor of how fucking annoyingly frequent this bullshit is.

I would like to reach out to those who just cant get their point across. To those who try, with loving intention, to reach out and get someone to meet them half way- or even a simple compromise, you are not alone. There are people out there who have a concept of doing their equal part. I know because I am one of them, I speak up, and boy oh boy do I hear about it. Because everyone else around me is so busy being diplomatic, co-dependent, passive, passive-aggressive, lazy, or just all together wrapped up in their own agenda, etc. when I speak my mind, I am perceived to be an abrasive, pompous, crabby bitch. Well the truth hurts fuckers.

I am not the only one who uses the bathroom, I am not the only parent in the house so why, when asking for a hand in cleaning up and/or toddler interaction, why do I get an attitude? Why is it that I can ask for help but not get it until its convenient for someone else. Why if I asked you to "clean the bathroom, please?" do I end up having to do it 2 days later? Am I your mom? No. But again, if I ask more than once Im being naggy. If I step in and just do it myself, Im met with "Jeez I said I was going to do it.... fine, you do it then" WHAT THE FUCK?!!? Yes, you said you were going to do it, but now Im doing it because, as with most things you say you are going to do, it never happened. Its like deja vu, all over again.

When you find yourself in this wicked cycle its so hard to even speak. You're damned if you do and damned if you dont... and all because you know that everyone should look around and see the same mess, the same problems and then work TOGETHER on a solution. Be warned: there is no safe, effective way of getting your point across. When dealing with people who repeatedly meet this issue you will most likely run into problems with delivery of said message, how said message is perceived, the tone of voice, body language, time of day, blood sugar levels, planetary alignment, and so on. There is never going to be a good, sweet way of speaking your mind to honestly say what you mean. There is rarely going to be a truth to be told, that needs to be heard, that isnt harsh or abrasive. My advice is: pick your battles wisely. Only fight the fights you are compelled to fight. The things you cant hold back, dont- but dont say so much that you lose the message. Say what you have to say regardless. Once you have, shut up.

angry wifey declares: enroll now!

The School of Self.

Classes enrolling now. Admission is easy.

Tuition will only cost you what you are willing to give.

"YOU CANT MAKE IT OUT THERE WITHOUT A GOOD EDUCATION FROM HERE"

.........sigh............

Why do people, who you know are smart, act so fucking stupid* sometimes?! I wonder this often. I wonder if other people wonder it too..

*keep in mind when I say stupid Im not talking having a lack of book smarts, Im talking being absolutely lazy minded.

Is there not a clear stigma about half-assedness? Isnt it pretty much a general consensus that half-stepping is a bad thing? I mean I know Im not usually an advocate of popular opinion but in this case I'd say there's safety in numbers. The fact that a good majority of people have been negatively affected (or at the least immensely irritated) by someone who doesnt put forth proper effort is enough to support the idea that being a lazy jackass, procrastinator, half-stepper, or anything along those lines is unbecoming of a fully functioning adult.

Now you've got your prime examples of these types: dead beat dads, over-delegating bosses, people who dont clean up after themselves, people who litter because "they pay someone to clean up this parking lot" (occasionally guilty of that myself), people in work groups or on group projects who let everyone else do the work, people who expect someone else to always pay their way, people who make excuses for EVERYTHING- you know what im getting at..

But what about the not so obvious offenders? the easy riders? the ones who take the slacker job for just that reason. the ones who send out a resume then dont follow up on it and wonder why they cant find a job. the ones who do things like put water in a dirty bowl but never come back to actually wash the bowl and put it away or even load it up in the dishwasher. or do things like take the full trash bag out of the trash can but dont take it outside- or on the flip side of that take one item all the way to the outside trashcan to avoid a bigger task like having to take out the overflowing trash in the kitchen. its sad really, how little this varies from the behavior of a teenager. And we fancy ourselves as grown ups.

Well GROW UP! if any of the above listed things remind you of yourself then its time to go back to school. Its time to learn you and what you are really about. See, I believe that the more you know about yourself, the less likely you are to present yourself at a lesser caliber. Its the whole live up to your full potential theory. Most people I know dont do this as a constant state of being, instead they use it as temporary bridge from one chapter of life to another. Why only do this at particular moments? Why not live to your fullest EVERY moment? When the opportunity presents itself, take it.. be it doing the dishes from last nights dinner or making an uncomfortable phone call that you have been putting off. sometimes not doing these things holds you back more than you could imagine. clutter clutters up the mind. avoided opportunities close doors. dirty dishes in the sink means no clean dishes in the cabinet. putting forth minimal effort will make people less likely to come to you, depend on you, look up to you- for anything. and that may result in people less likely to want to have you around at all. its a simple equation really. not hard to learn. cause and affect- one of the many classes offered at the school of self. spending a semester or two learning who you are and why you do what you do is the fastest way to true success and happiness. Enroll now!

angrywifey declares: some people just dont get it!

Ahh... life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. such an idealistic concept that all these things belong in the same sentence.

what ive found is that when you find love during your pursuit of happiness you run a good chance of looking back and seeing how much life youve wasted. that may make it sound like im bitter, but im not. well ok somewhat, but i am in love with someone who i am happy spending the rest of my life with, so that should slightly negate various sour feelings towards relationships.

the reason i feel the way i do, though, is because PEOPLE DONT CHANGE. its our perception of people that changes. its our view that changes. and yes it may inspire us to make different choices or stick to our guns a bit more but is that really CHANGE? no! its simply an adjustment. the real you- the you that your ex just couldnt deal with any more- is still there! just like the ex you just couldnt deal with anymore is that same person, no matter the signs of new life. just like the new person in your life was at one point someone elses ex, which puts them in the running to be kind of relationship-ly challenged as well. you may say "His ex was such a bitch!" does that mean he was a perfect saint? doubt it. what im getting at is during your pursuit of happiness ignoring signs can send you off down the WRONG road. then you have farther to come than you did before.

the concepts of liberation and enlightenment only have staying power if you actually learn and retain the preceding lesson. if you dont allow yourself to totally digest your experience then it kinda ends up empty. empty like your stomach 30 minutes after eating chinese food. (dont get me wrong i love me some shrimp dumplings and sticky rice). i guess what im getting at is if you are going on a journey (literal or metaphorical) you must pack the proper supplies and sustenance to keep you going, and safe. life lessons are like food for thought and it seems these days the brain of the average 20-30 year old looks like an am/pm. full of junk food. packed with things in shiny wrappers that make you think you are full but give you no real nourishment. next thing you know you wake up empty thinking to yourself "i thought i had this whole thing figured out..."

slow down, take the time to read the ingredients, the potential side affects, the serving size, etc.

OR theres the binge and purgers. the ones who bump their heads enough for all of us to learn from. they gorge themselves with a strange mix of bullshit and valuable life lessons and then throw it all up, then do it all again and so on and so on. these people use logic and reason like salt and pepper.. more a flavor enhancement than a base to a good decision. too much of anything will make you sick in one way or another and they just dont get it. these are usually the same people who are so self absorbed that they get offended when you tell them they are self absorbed- as if?! so when a friend leaves one rocky relationship and gets so blinded that she ends up in another she would probably fall under this category. i know several people like this and it makes me sad. smart, articulate people who, behind closed doors become big huge blobs of just waste. these are the ones who come to you for advice and support then take your advice, chew it up, and spit it out ..and carry on about their business- all the while telling you what they think you want to hear. (or leaving out details that would show you just how full of shit they are) either way its sad. its not my journey that is altered, its yours. i was just trying to share my strikingly similar expiriences with you, kind of as a map or even street light at least. no sweat off my brow, good luck finding your way back to your original route.

to all in and out of relationships. beware. some people just dont get it.

bah humbug

The ghost of Christmas past needs to remind everyone what the holidays are truly about. I'm talkin a swift kick into yester-year. As the day approaches, and consumers everywhere scramble for those last minute gifts, I shake my head in disgust at the pressure this time of year puts on an already emotionally and financially strained public. ITS NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SPEND PEOPLE! Its about giving, and more importantly, gathering together. Is there not enough in your everyday life to stress about? Is there not enough in your everyday life to spend money on? There are some whirlwind Christmases that I spent running from store to store myself, and you know what? in the end I felt like I had just got home from a bad weekend in Vegas. Dizzy, broke, and feeling slightly violated. Something had to give...

At least I can find solace knowing that craft stores and do it yourself outfits have seen more business this Christmas season than any other in the last 10 years. That means that some of you get it- the whole "its the thought that counts" concept. I mean you really get it. You thought enough about the gift to actually gather the supplies required to make it, and more importantly, you followed through. Right on!

As for the rest of you, if you cant give at least be there to gather together. In tough times it's sometimes a gift just to be around familiar smiles. And get familiar hugs. And hear familiar laughs. Those are priceless gifts. Gifts that dont need a special season. I love to give. I also love to receive. Either way, I find Christmas in seeing the people I love. In the simple gifts they give me without even realizing. Not in knowing I out-spent or out-shopped the next chick.

So to this materialistic Christmas season and all who submit to it I say BAH HUMBUG.

angrywifey declares: the problem lies within you

Ahh.. It would be wonderful if one day society woke up and, as a whole, understood the complex workings of the human brain- our on board computer they sent us off with, neglecting to include an instruction manual or even a trouble shooting guide. Centuries have been spent prying into this vast wonderland between our ears and still we've not gotten very far. Its quite ironic really, thinking.. about how we think..

I guess that's what all those shrinks and spooks are for. All those college courses and self help books, seminars and spiritual retreats.. They all, in one way or another, take money and use it to dissect the brain and supposedly help those in need navigate through the twists and turns of life. (You also have your cost free ways of peering into your "self". Long walks, meditation, journals, blogs, support groups, lifetime movies- excuse me as I choke down this vomit.) All in all ,there ARE some successful paths that have been carved out by previous generations. So why do people act certain ways, are able to anticipate and define those actions or reactions, and then look so confused as to how to change for the better? In the wise words of my mom, "I don't know."

Today it seems I have been dealt the hand of dealing directly with people who ask for help and then complain and make excuses when you try to help them. Also with people who have shady and questionable tendencies and are offended that they aren't trusted fully. Oh my gawd. Lets get some SELF AWARENESS folks. Ill say it again: SELF AWARENESS. Its an easy concept, hard in application. If you are aware of your actions or reactions then you can better control them. Simple. The only thing that may be complicated for some is the "self" part. That doesn't leave room for anyone else to keep after you and how you act. It doesn't allow for any emotional babysitters or enablers. And it sure as hell shouldn't mean that someone has to explain to you when and why you are out of line. It means just what it means, YOU are responsible for YOU. Be mature and try to be aware of why people make assumptions about you based on past experiences, or based on a collection of things that came straight from your mouth. The answer lies within you because the problem lies within you.

angry wifey declares: all is stupid

Welcome to the most logical rant you will find. I run across tons of things on a daily basis to complain about. Simple things, that make me so angry my fingers tremble as I type, things within a persons control, infuriate me for some reason- especially when they DON'T control it, so I make it my business to be the one to ask "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"

I try to live my life under the simple idea that "You are the only one in control of your emotions". In that I mean that if you feel someone is making you sad or mad or glad it is, in fact, not them who makes you feel these ways but you who allows their actions to make you feel. I remind you that I said I try. Where I fall short is, the realization that if these people, who's actions make me feel these things, had more concern or self awareness then they wouldn't do the things to make me feel the ways I do and so on, and so on. Such is my dilemma and so here is a blog to let it all out. To declare, if you will, that all IS stupid and with my analytical nature I can help make people see that. Only then can we hope for change ;)